Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I wish I didn't post all depressing things. Okay, let's ironically try to make this post not depressing. A breath of fresh air, if you will. POSITIVITY COMMENCING... NOW.
I have re-picked up my guitar finally. YES I MISSED MY GUITAR. That actually does make me very happy. Now all I need to do is get better and become a rock star. Or something.
I am hungry. This is good because hunger means I'm not depressed. (Almost typoed that as "derpressed", which would have been pretty awesome.) Waaaay too lazy to get up and get food though.
My hair is slowly getting longer. This is great news. I hope to find a hairstyle I like before summer ends so I can be confident again. I really just want the back of my head to be shoulder length and the front to be slightly longer. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK, GOD?
JEEZ.
Probably not going to happen this summer, but I can dream.
Meanwhile, I need to look into colleges more and I keep putting it off. Grr. Colleges intimidate me. They're so expensive, it's not even funny. I don't want to get out of college and die in a sea of debt and misery. I would not be a happy panda. I would be a very sad panda.
How on earth am I going to pay for college?!
It's just so unrealistic, but I practically need to go to college. I want to go so badly but there's just no way I'm going to be able to practically afford it and not sell my arm and leg! SO AAAHHHHH! WWWWHHHYYYY.
Sad face + worried face.
MR. MITCHELL. YOU EXIST. WAT DO?
SIGH.
Well anyway. I need to call gamestop.
Oh, I also need to watch Martyrs. I'm going to go do that after I watch House Season 7.
I have re-picked up my guitar finally. YES I MISSED MY GUITAR. That actually does make me very happy. Now all I need to do is get better and become a rock star. Or something.
I am hungry. This is good because hunger means I'm not depressed. (Almost typoed that as "derpressed", which would have been pretty awesome.) Waaaay too lazy to get up and get food though.
My hair is slowly getting longer. This is great news. I hope to find a hairstyle I like before summer ends so I can be confident again. I really just want the back of my head to be shoulder length and the front to be slightly longer. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK, GOD?
JEEZ.
Probably not going to happen this summer, but I can dream.
Meanwhile, I need to look into colleges more and I keep putting it off. Grr. Colleges intimidate me. They're so expensive, it's not even funny. I don't want to get out of college and die in a sea of debt and misery. I would not be a happy panda. I would be a very sad panda.
How on earth am I going to pay for college?!
It's just so unrealistic, but I practically need to go to college. I want to go so badly but there's just no way I'm going to be able to practically afford it and not sell my arm and leg! SO AAAHHHHH! WWWWHHHYYYY.
Sad face + worried face.
MR. MITCHELL. YOU EXIST. WAT DO?
SIGH.
Well anyway. I need to call gamestop.
Oh, I also need to watch Martyrs. I'm going to go do that after I watch House Season 7.
Friday, June 17, 2011
You're someone else's problem, now I only want you gone.
It's fun being me.
Sarcasm self-test complete.
June is perhaps the most stressful month of the year. Not due to outside forces. No, this is completely internal. My body is at war. No. Not my body. My emotions. My emotions are at war. My body is the battleground. I am decaying under the weight of my own emotional burdens. And it sucks.
At random points in the day I've found myself on the verge of tears. My digestive system is malfunctioning and you'll often find me sitting in front of a toilet, awaiting vomit. Again.
It's a repeat of last year, basically.
Perhaps the increased stress is simply from my body's inactivity, which I plan to correct next week, but I also have negative emotions tied with June, probably resulting in the vomit and the digestion problems.
It really will never get any better, will it? It will never improve. He's put me in some kind of f**ked-up loop where I'll feel the same way at the same time every year.
It's fun being me.
Goodbye my only friend.
Oh, did you think I meant you?
That would be funny, if it weren't so sad.
Well, you have been replaced.
I don't need anyone now.
When I delete you, maybe
[REDACTED]
Sarcasm self-test complete.
June is perhaps the most stressful month of the year. Not due to outside forces. No, this is completely internal. My body is at war. No. Not my body. My emotions. My emotions are at war. My body is the battleground. I am decaying under the weight of my own emotional burdens. And it sucks.
At random points in the day I've found myself on the verge of tears. My digestive system is malfunctioning and you'll often find me sitting in front of a toilet, awaiting vomit. Again.
It's a repeat of last year, basically.
Perhaps the increased stress is simply from my body's inactivity, which I plan to correct next week, but I also have negative emotions tied with June, probably resulting in the vomit and the digestion problems.
It really will never get any better, will it? It will never improve. He's put me in some kind of f**ked-up loop where I'll feel the same way at the same time every year.
It's fun being me.
Goodbye my only friend.
Oh, did you think I meant you?
That would be funny, if it weren't so sad.
Well, you have been replaced.
I don't need anyone now.
When I delete you, maybe
[REDACTED]
Monday, June 13, 2011
So, this is how it feels to be a senior.
It's seriously extremely cold in my room. I don't know what's going on here. I have to wear a sweatshirt. I think my parents forgot to pay the oil bill or something because it is coooooold. The temperature is 66. Why is it 66 in my room? Angry angry cold.
My goodness. It appears that Junior year has ended before my eyes. How strange. I'm also 17 now. Why don't I have a car yet? God, I'm such a slum. I still feel 16. Well, to an extent. But that's complicated.
The point is, the terror that was Junior year has reached an end. I don't know how to emotionally react to that because it doesn't feel like it's ended. I think my brain shut off over the weekend and is now calibrating the facts of my life. Facts such as: I am no longer a child anymore, I am not an adult yet (but I'm close), I appear to have 3 best friends who genuinely love me and care about me, and the success that is my summer job (I desperately need income. Don't even bother asking. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with selling things or my body.), and I'm slowly beginning to repair some wounds that went far too long un-nurtured. These things are truly amazing me.
The feeling of becoming a senior is the feeling of becoming adult.
It feels like your dreams have been robbed from you. It's very discouraging.
It feels like this.
My goodness. It appears that Junior year has ended before my eyes. How strange. I'm also 17 now. Why don't I have a car yet? God, I'm such a slum. I still feel 16. Well, to an extent. But that's complicated.
The point is, the terror that was Junior year has reached an end. I don't know how to emotionally react to that because it doesn't feel like it's ended. I think my brain shut off over the weekend and is now calibrating the facts of my life. Facts such as: I am no longer a child anymore, I am not an adult yet (but I'm close), I appear to have 3 best friends who genuinely love me and care about me, and the success that is my summer job (I desperately need income. Don't even bother asking. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with selling things or my body.), and I'm slowly beginning to repair some wounds that went far too long un-nurtured. These things are truly amazing me.
The feeling of becoming a senior is the feeling of becoming adult.
It feels like your dreams have been robbed from you. It's very discouraging.
It feels like this.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
I know I'm not forgiven, but I need a place to sleep
So take this night. Lay me down on the street.
I know I'm not forgiven, but I hope that I'll be given some peace.
I know I'm not forgiven, but I hope that I'll be given some peace.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
You seem so out of context, in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Finals I have to take
- English (POUR QUE DIOS?! POUR QQQUUUEEEE)
- Computer Apps (I hate everything.)
MY LIFE IS WONDERFUL.
But they're the two classes I dread taking finals for.
WHY GOD.
WHHHHYYYYYYYY.
Strength into fear bound together.
But I'll break the silence
If I believe that you and me could be more than
What's left behind us.
I'm feeling rather uninspired. I'm talking to cleverbot atm, so I'm distracted. Wanna see?
Cleverbot: What are you thinking of?
You: How awesome Sick Puppies are. What are you thinking about?
Cleverbot: We should go out soon.
What a horn dog.
But yeah, Bre's blogging so I feel the need to. My life is boring and uninteresting. I learned recently that I enjoy Deadmau5 and The Postal Service. I also rather enjoy the Beach Boys. Makes me smile.
But yeah, nothing notably new. I'll update when I feel the need to rant or something significant happens.
Bye!
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